Life with the Hubert Fam: November 2010

Where do I begin???

Sunday night, it seemed that Brook had had a stroke or something - she couldn't walk. She couldn't stand up. Her left eye darted back and forth. Then her right eye started doing it too. I took her outside and she fell - somersaulted - down the back steps. Then she wandered around the yard and finally found a sheltered spot under the trampoline and peed. She stumbled and walked into things and got excited when I called to her but couldn't figure out how to get to me just a few feet away from her in the yard.

It was awful.

I couldn't stand to watch her struggle and suffer that way. I cried and cried and cried.

Then I brought her back inside and she threw up in the dining room. I cried. Dave cleaned it up. I cried.

We got Meg up to come and say goodbye - just in case. It didn't seem like she would make it through the night. In fact, I prayed she wouldn't - I prayed that she would please just fall asleep and slip away, peacefully. I cried.

We cuddled and hugged her until late that night and then put her in her kennel so that we could all get some sleep.

Well, you know I didn't. And neither did Dave.

Dave came downstairs that Monday morning to check on her. He then took her outside and carried her down the steps so she could pee. As soon as she was finished, he put her back in her kennel - she still couldn't stand or walk. She looked like Bambi on the ice...Couldn't get her feet under her.

So, we cried. And we called the vet and I tried to describe what was happening through my tears, and they said, "just bring her in as soon as you can and we'll check her out. It doesn't mean it's the end. It could be any number of things that might be easily fixed." I didn't believe them.

So, we cried. And we tried to process. And Dave took the girls to school and cried when telling the principal what was going on... Mr. Hillman promised to check on our girls. He is awesome.

So, Dave and I decided that Brook was a good dog and we couldn't stand to see her suffer. We talked to our friend Becky who loves Brook, too and she reminded me of the dog in The Art of Racing in the Rain. He was done and wanted his owner to know and to let him go. She helped me to come to terms with what I already knew was true.
Brook was ready to be done.
Becky came over to say goodbye to Brook and to stay with Jack while we took Brook.
Becky is a good friend.

Dave and I loaded her up in her kennel and bawled all the way to the vet. He went in and talked to the gals at the desk and let them know that we were bringing Brook in to be put down. He signed the paperwork and even lined up the details for cremation.
We carried her kennel in and sobbed and sobbed in the lobby. We hugged her and told her she was a good dog. We cried and hugged her again and the gal scooped her up and took her into the back room. Dave and I went out to the parking lot and cried and hugged and cried.

On the way home, I cried. But I also had a sense of relief. We have anticipated Brook's passing for a while now. Her eyes are getting cloudy. She drops to the floor like a bag of bones when she lays down. She can't hear so well anymore... She's just getting old. We knew this day was coming and I was relieved to be on the other side of it. Ready to grieve and move forward.
I even posted on Facebook the death of Brook and how sorrowful we were to say goodbye to the best dog ever. Many of you responded with kind thoughts and words of encouragement. Thank you for that.

Ella came home at 2:00 and asked, "where's Brook?" - the exact question I'd been dreading all day. I told her, "she's gone to Heaven." She said, "oh - can I have two pieces of candy for snack today?"
Ummmm - what? Ummmm - alright, moving along. I just knew that we would have to come back to this another time. So, we had two pieces of candy for snack.

Dave come home from his brief stint of work that day in time for us to pick up Meg from school at 3:00. I went out to her on the sidewalk and hugged her and told her, "Brook is gone to heaven." And she said, "I kind of thought that when I saw Dad in the van with you." She too was pretty matter of fact about the whole thing, as her mother stood there bawling. Mr. Hillman even stopped me and told me that he'd checked on the girls throughout the day and they seemed to be fine. He gave me a hug and I told him that now it just seemed to be me who couldn't stop crying.

We'd made plans to take the kids to see "Tangled." We thought it best to occupy their evening and have a special treat. We started getting coats on and getting ready to leave when I heard Dave talking in the bathroom... "Is he on the phone?" I wondered.
Yes, he was on the phone - in the bathroom. ??? Seriously? What in the world?

So he comes out a few minutes later and said, "We need to talk about something - but not now..."

Great.
So we sent the girls out to the van and Dave says, "Our dog is a Lazarus dog." ??? What? Dave had spoken briefly with the vet and they had told him that she was still alive. He said he got the impression that they wanted us to come and get her. What? I admire my man for saying, "we need time to think about this. Keep her overnight."

All I could think was that they didn't give her enough medicine and she came back to life. As far as I knew, she was gone. Even sent out the email to a small group of family and friends that she was in Heaven playing with Pilgrim and Sage and Kleypas and Mali... well, actually, she wasn't.

The vet had done a quick neurological test on her and decided that she had Old Dog Vestibular Dysfunction. ?? Huh? And of course, Dave couldn't tell me any of this because kids were waiting in the car to go see a movie at the theater - which we hardly ever do. They were excited!

So there we sat for an hour and half with our silly 3D glasses on. No talking. My mind whirling out of control thinking about how Brook wasn't gone. What?? I don't want her to suffer or struggle. I want to move on from this.

We finished up the movie. Ate dinner while Ella cried a bit about Brook being dead - while we knew she wasn't. Awkward.
Finally, baths had been taken and books had been read. Dave and I retreated off to the farthest room from the kids' and began the discussion. I immediately Googled "balance in old dogs" because that's all Dave could remember from his conversation with the vet. Old Dog Vestibular Dysfunction. And Brook had had every symptom, including "most pet owners will think their pet has had a stroke."
It is an imbalance of the fluid in your inner and middle ear. It makes the dog nauseous and dizzy and unable to balance. It even talked about their back legs being splayed apart - just like Bambi on the ice!!!
It was pretty intimidating when it said that the dog would need to be hand fed and hand watered and carried out to go to the bathroom. And just a lot of stuff that would need to be done... and we tried to realistic and honest with ourselves that we weren't capable of what it might take to nurse her back to health - and would it be fair to her???

So we talked. We called Dave's Dad. We called my Mom. Michelle called and we talked. Nobody would make the decision for us. We couldn't decide what to do next.

I finally took the full dose of 2 Advil PMs and went to bed. I hadn't slept at all the night before and knew that if I didn't take those magical blue pills, I wouldn't sleep again.

Dave called and made an appointment to talk to the vet at 1:00. He told me I couldn't go with him. I was very much okay with that and thanked him for putting on the battle gear and being my knight in shining armor and being willing to make the decision for our family.

He called me around noon. I told him I was very much leaning toward sticking to our original decision. I didn't want Brook to suffer or struggle. We should have her put down. He agreed and said that helped but that he really hadn't made the decision yet. He would after talking to the vet at 1:00.

But he never made it there. His truck had a flat tire (he would like me to point out here that he had to walk to work - all 6 blocks - when it was only -1 outside). So, he tried calling and talking to the vet. She wasn't available. So he talked to the gal at the front desk and said, "we would like to just have Brook put down." She said, "are you sure...???" Seriously.  Then he added, "unless someone else wants to adopt her..."

So at 4:30, I got a text. It said, "FYI Brook is being adopted." WHAT?????

I didn't know how to respond to that so I cried. Some more.

Did I mention that I am SICK of crying?

When Dave got home, we went to our closet and talked. He told me how the afternoon had gone and what was said and I cried. Some more.
We decided that we needed to be honest with the girls and explained to them that Brook did not actually go to heaven. We explained how we thought that she had but that the vet had made the decision not to because she was sick but with something that could be treated. But only treated by someone who was trained in helping animals with this illness. So, they were going to adopt her. Dave said to the girls that God didn't seem to be done with Brook yet and that He must need her for this other family who would be taking her in. "Alright," Meg says. Ella asked, "Can we visit her?"
Ugh. You guys are killing me.

So, I went downstairs and called my mom. I bawled. I cried. I said, "she's MY dog." Mom is so patient. Mom is so wise. She agreed with Dave that Brook was needed elsewhere and reminded me how loving and devoted Brook is and what a great gift it was for me to give to this other gal who must need her. I conceded and thought I was good.
I felt better through dinner. And then I started crying again. Yes, some more.

After we put the kids to bed, Dave and crawled into bed and began talking. He says, "I've got the girls number - do you want to talk to her?" I was just so afraid that we had decided to put Brook down because we didn't want her to suffer and now, here she was suffering anyway. I was trying to decide if we needed to stick up for her and say, "no more."

So, I listened to the message that Kristi left for Dave and it didn't say that she was adopting her but that she was keeping her for a while until they found a good home for her.
No way.
I called Kristi. I cried - some more. I asked her how was Brook doing and she said, "really well. She's a little tipsy and her eyes are a tiny bit twitchy but I would say she's about 40% better than she was when you brought her in. She's eating well. She's able to go to the bathroom on her own. She needs a little bit of help when she first gets up but then is mostly fine to walk. She just needs some calm and quiet and time to heal."

That is not what I expected.

I asked her if it would still be alright if we brought Brook home. She said, "that's what would be best for her. That's what we want for her - but know that if we adopt her out, it would only be to someone we know... We will choose a good home for her if you don't feel like you can take this on."

I cried.

And Dave said, "go get her."
So I did.

When I went into Kristi's house, Brook was in a large crate covered with a blanket. When I knelt down and put my fingers through the wires and rubbed her chin, she whimpered just a bit and wagged her tail and stood up. And didn't fall down like she did on Monday morning. She came out of the crate and immediately began sniffing around for Kristi's cat.

She was a little wobbly but not nearly as bad as she was. I could see major improvement and it'd only been two days.

I brought her home.
Do you believe it??? I hardly can.

She needs a little bit of extra TLC. She needs some canned dog food and benadryl to help with the nausea. And some calm and quiet. I think we can do that for her.

It's been the craziest 48 or so hours. You might think we're nuts. I might not disagree with you.

But, Brook is home.

Not me... It seems as I get older, time just goes faster and faster...

Just in case you haven't seen them yet, these are pictures that my dear friend Jason took about a month ago. I was pretty frustrated with Jack while we were having the pictures done as he was making it kinda difficult... Then Jason showed me these --- Jason is talented!

My Cheesy Guy

Check out his expression on this one - the stick seems to have made him very happy!!! :)

I just love chasing this little guy around!

We had a little party for him on Sunday evening - just some of the adults in his life who love him and his buddy Gabe and his family... By the time it was time for cake, he knew that the birthday thing was just for him - watch how excited he is while we're singing to him ---

(Thanks Michelle for running the video!!!)

Jack with his buddies - Clint and Andrew

This is when we were singing to him (thanks Jill for snapping off some fun pictures!!!)

And blowing out the candles... he did pretty well - and had some help from his Dad

And was absolutely ready to dig in!!!

Gabe and Jack -- These guys are GOOD BUDDIES!

One of the favorite gifts was a book from Michelle about a shark and a train ---- and who would win if they had a fight! Everyone was interested to find out!

(And the funny thing about this book is Michelle telling how she had to shift out of little girl thinking - she has two girls - and into boy thinking... We all decided that this book was VERY 'boy')

Jack also loves the Thomas that Sweetie sent --- he enjoys riding it all over the main level of the house! One morning I heard him talking at the base of the front steps. When I checked on him, I quickly figured out that he was saying, "Thomas ... heavy" -- He was trying to carry Thomas up the stairs so he could play with him upstairs. We decided that Thomas will stay on the main level so that he doesn't fall down the steps... ;)